Of Stuffed Dolls, Dogs, and Perverts
by Ranowa Hikura
Summary: Iruka sees Naruto's Kakashi doll and gets jealous. Why? Because he wants one for himself. Fluff, fluff, fluff. Set pre time skip, I suppose. Kakairu light romance. Oneshot. My sense of humor is pathetic and sad, so... eh... be warned :)


Based off whatever episode we first see Naruto's Kakashi doll. Iruka sees it and wants one. Fluff, nothing but fluff :D Most of it was written when I was out of the city and sitting on a hotel room floor at god-knows-when in the morning, so… no promises… Enjoy!

Iruka stared down at the sleeping blond on his couch in shock.

It just didn't make any sense.

Not the fact that Naruto was on his couch in the first place; Iruka had grudgingly given his permission for that himself. Sakura's birthday present for the genin had been hiring someone to clean that cesspool he called a home, and, unfortunately for Iruka, that meant Naruto needed a place to stay. Apparently, that was automatically his couch.

That wasn't what shocked him. Neither was the fact that he slept with a stuffed doll, because, really, Naruto was quite odd. It wasn't totally a surprise.

But the doll was unmistakably supposed to be Kakashi.

WIth only the left eye scratched on in permanent marker, the rest of the face was hidden by a scrap of black cloth and a tiny headband, and a rather good likeness of Kakashi's hair attached to top of its head, who else could it be? Then, there was a tiny version of the jounin vest and his usual uniform shirt, and pants, and was that a tiny book in his hand?

The doll was rather rag tag and rundown; it had certainly seen better days. There was a tear in his shirt and tufts of hair were missing, and the mask was literally hanging by a thread- which was somewhat amusing, because it revealed that the doll didn't even have a face underneath the mask.

Why on earth did Naruto have a doll of Kakashi?

After several moments of utter disbelief, Iruka reached down to poke his former student's shoulder. Naruto mumbled something about ramen and rolled over, taking the doll with him and snuggling it closer to his side. Iruka poked him again and was rewarded with a loud snore.

With a sigh, Iruka scratched the base of his ponytail before he decided to try and different tactic. "Naruto. Breakfast. Food time."

"Wha… Sakura-chan, not so hard," he mumbled, even as his eyes cracked open. He blinked blearily before looking up at Iruka, and a smile split his face as he sat bolt upright, all thoughts of sleep vanishing from his mind in an instant. "Breakfast?!" he cried. "It's on you, Iruka-sensei! Sweet! Ramen, ramen, ramen-"

Iruka found himself unable to hold back a smile. "Yes, of course, I'll treat you to ramen. But, first… what's that?" He pointed at the Kakashi doll and Naruto glanced down at him before looking up at him, clearly unabashed.

"Oh, this? It's my Kakashi-sensei doll. I made it a while ago after I became a genin."

"And, you have it because…?"

Naruto shrugged. "I don't even remember. I think I was mad at him…? Yeah, that's it- I was mad at him. For being late and making me skip lunch and that dammed painful technique that he made up. But I couldn't beat him up, so I made this thing instead. And now, I'm not angry at him anymore, so I sleep with it sometimes."

Iruka bit his lip to stop himself from laughing out loud. "And, does Kakashi know you have this?"

"Of course not!" Naruto looked horrified at the very thought and he shook his head vigorously. "No, he'd kill me! Sakura-chan doesn't know about hers and Sasuke doesn't know about his, either. No way."

"Oh, I see." Iruka nodded and eyed the doll again when he was suddenly struck by a thought. "Naruto… by chance… you don't have a plushie of _me_, do you?"

Naruto blushed furiously for a moment before he shook his head frantically, scrambling to back away from him. "No, no, of course not, Iruka-sensei! Kakashi-sensei was the first doll I ever made, I swear!"

"Really? Well, he looks rather good, for a first attempt. He's still held together after all these years. Are you sure he's-"

"Yes, yes, I am! He's my first! I promise, Iruka-sensei, I promise! If you went to my apartment and looked under my bed you'd only find Sakura-chan and Sasuke; there wouldn't be anything else!"

Iruka was torn between laughter and worry at the thought of himself existing in doll form in the dark recesses underneath Naruto's bed- who knew what horrors lived with it under there. It was almost pitiful, and he had to stop himself from leaving to rescue it.

He shook his head and focused on Naruto again, who was still shaking his head and flapping his hands about in what he had to guess was supposed to be an innocent manner. "Okay, Naruto, I'll make you a deal. I can't, in good conscience, not tell Kakashi about this. He has a right to know that someone is going around recreating him as a doll."

The look on his face was utter devastation. His blue eyes widened to the point of being comical and he whined, "Iruka-senseeeeeei, ple-"

"I'm not finished yet, Naruto! So, as I said, I have to tell him. But… if you just _gave _me the doll, then I suppose it really would be none of Kakashi's business. So, Naruto? What'd you say?"

Iruka's hopeful smiled faded when the blond simply stared at him blankly. He didn't seem to get it at all, and Iruka really didn't want to spell it out any further. "If you give me your Kakashi doll, then I won't have to tell him about this. I'll just, um… dispose of it."

"What?! No! Do you know how long it took me to make this thing!" Naruto hugged the raggedy plushie tighter and jumped away from him. "I'm not giving it to him just so you can throw him away!"

"Naruto, listen, I'm not going to throw it away-"

"Yes you are! You said you would 'dispose of it!' Iruka-sensei, that's just cruel. It took me _forever _ to make it, and you just want to throw it away."

Iruka grimaced. It seemed Naruto would take some more convincing. "Look, I'll treat you to Ichiraku's every day for the next week."

"No!"

"Next two weeks?"

"No! I told you, Iruka-sensei, you're not going to take my doll just to throw him away and-"

"Okay, how about if you _make_ me one? That way, we'll both be happy."

Naruto hesitated, glancing between him and the doll for several seconds, clearly undecided. Finally, he nodded slowly and opened his mouth to answer before shutting it in a frown. Iruka swallowed, trying to keep calm as his former student looked at him in suspicion. "Say, Iruka-sensei, why do you want this thing so much, anyway?"

Iruka coughed and scratched at the base of his ponytail again. "Eh, no particular reason."

"Why _this_ one? Why not my Sasuke or Sakura-chan ones?"

Iruka coughed again. It suddenly felt uncomfortably hot. "Um, like I said, no reason. I just think Kakashi would the be the one most disturbed to know you-"

"No, that's Sakura-chan! She'd kill me if she found out. Literally." He winced at the thought before giving a wicked smiled. "Oh, Iruka-sensei… do you have a… a _thing_ for Kakas-"

"_No!_" he bellowed. "_No!_ That's ridiculous, Naruto! Don't say that so loud! Of course not! I do not have a- I'm not interested in your- _no!_"

Naruto hesitated again, then nodded, as if convinced, and Iruka found himself thanking the gods his favorite former student was just a little dense. "Oh. I suppose you're right- because that'd be… ew. Yuck. Yeah, wish I hadn't thought of it."

"Yeah, exactly, it'd be- hold on, what?"

He shrugged. "Yeah. Iruka-sensei, Kakashi-sensei's a _pervert_. And you're so nice. And he's so _old_."

"Naruto, he's twenty-six. How old do you think I am?"

Naruto barreled on through like he hadn't even heard him. "And besides, Kakashi-sensei's weird. You two…ewwww."

Iruka glanced away uncomfortably before he forced himself to shake his head and held his hand out for the doll. "Okay, okay- three choices, Naruto. Either give me that doll, make me a new one, or I'm telling Kakashi about this."

His student gave him a doubtful look before tossing the doll to him. "Fine, fine. I'll make a new one for myself. That thing's inaccurate, anyway- I made it before I knew about his Sharingan, so it only has one eye."

"That's fine." Iruka resisted the urge to hug the doll and instead let it carelessly hang from his grip, watching as Naruto walked back over to the couch and started hunting for his uniform. When the blond shot him a look over his shoulder and informed him that breakfast was still on him, Iruka just sighed before he nodded and retreated back to his room, saying he was going to get his wallet.

Once he had escaped from Naruto's line of sight, Iruka gave the doll a light squeeze before he stuck it under his bed. No reason for Kakashi to, by chance, come home and see it, not after all the trouble he went through to get it.

* * *

Kakashi smirked.

This was too perfect.

Okay, a bit weird, but also perfect.

He remained in his precarious perch in the tree with such a convenient view through Iruka's window, raising an eyebrow as the teacher rolled over in his sleep, bringing the doll with him.

He didn't have the slightest idea where Iruka had tracked down a Kakashi doll, but the possibilities were endless.

He jumped lightly down off the tree, catching onto Iruka's roof with one hand and hanging down beside the window. With a quick use of chakra, he had disabled the chuunin's traps and was silently moving forward into Iruka's home. He stood there for a moment, reveling in all the possibilities and disbelieving he had been lucky enough to snag this opportunity, then decided to be merciful. After all, Iruka had bought him the newest volume of Icha Icha Paradise for his birthday- he deserved a little break.

Then again, he'd also conveniently 'forgotten' to retrieve the volume he'd left in his uniform several months ago that had been so covered in blood he'd burned it… with the book inside.

Yeah, no mercy.

_The next morning_

Iruka yawned tiredly as he wound his messy hair into a ponytail. A day off at the academy meant he had work at the mission's room, which meant he was dealing with petulant genins and arrogant chuunins and crazy jounins all day long. His pre-genins may be known- however affectionately- as brats by most of the village, but at least he had the ability to scare them (most of the time) into submission. Not so, with the ninja in the mission's room.

He wanted to take as long as he could getting ready for his shift, but there was something that was bothering him. The smell. The _smell_ of his apartment… it was like a wet dog. When was the last time he had cleaned? And how on earth had it gotten so bad over night?

Pulling his shirt up over his nose, Iruka coughed and wondered out of his room, tightening the belt on his yukata. The smell, even through his shirt, grew even worse as he investigated.

Iruka raised his head at the sound of a quiet laugh. That voice… it couldn't be...

Suddenly, the smell made perfect sense. Of _course _it smelled like wet dog. Eight of them, most likely.

_That rat bastard said he would be getting home tomorrow!_

Iruka paused, then shook his head, trying to be logical here. There was no possible way on earth Hatake Kakashi would've come home _early._ Aside from the fact that something out of the ordinary _always _seemed to happen on his missions, he was Kakashi- known for reading porn and being _late_. As far as Iruka was aware, he had never been on time for anything in his life.

Being early would have to be a sign of the apocalypse.

Now thoroughly confused, Iruka turned and moved towards the sound of the laugh.

What he saw was enough to make him want to scream, and it took all of his self-control not to.

Kakashi was sprawled on the floor in his living room, leaning back on his elbows and watching with an amused expression as his eight dogs continued to make the place their home. Iruka had never been able to learn all their names, but he still recognized the big and mean looking one rubbing his fur all into the carpet and the two smallest ones chasing each other around the room- knocking over things as they went- and the one who sounded as arrogant as could be gnawing on something between its fangs. Pakkun was sitting next to his master and watching the chaos with laughter in his eyes, seeming to find just as much enjoyment, if not more, than Kakashi did from all of this.

Kakashi glanced up, as if noticing he was in someone else's home for the first time, then beamed. "Yo."

"Y- _Yo?!_" Iruka stammered. "_Yo?! That's_ all you can say for this… for this _disaster?!"_

Kakashi bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. Iruka did have quite a temper, but it was still quite a sight to watch his tanned face from blank to red as a tomato in three seconds flat. He laid back and watched as Iruka pointed at the pack of beasts running through his home like they were an abomination and sputtered through accusations and angry words he most likely didn't teach his students before he finally rounded on him, finger pointed right at him, brown eyes furious. "_What_ is so damn funny about this?! My house is a _wreck!_"

He shrugged slightly. "I called my dogs about an impostor. Some fellow was pretending to be me- the nerve of him. He was even sleeping in the same bed as you. I told them I had seen him around here and smelled him and asked them if they could stop him."

Iruka's reaction was comical. His face remained scarlet for several long moments, teeth bared, eyes practically popping out of his head at the insanity of all before he suddenly paled, as if realizing what Kakashi was talking about. He coughed before shaking his head and struggling to regain his earlier intimidating anger and expression. "K- Kakashi, you're being absolutely ridiculous and I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about, because you-"

"Of course, my dogs found another scent plastered all over the impostor. They followed it to Naruto's, oddly enough, and found a wonderful little chew toy." At the look on his face, Kakashi was quick to wave his hands about in a conciliatory fashion and smile innocently. "Not Naruto, Iruka! Not Naruto. Ah… here. Come on, give it here, Bulk." He coxed an unidentifiable, slob-covered _thing_ from his dog's mouth and tossed it over to him.

Iruka ducked out of the way from the slobbery object and it hit the wall with a plop. "Why you insipid, childish, petula…"

Iruka trailed off into silence when he found himself staring at the dog's chew toy.

It looked like a miniature, wet version of his head.

Covered in teeth marks.

When he finally managed to raise his head to stare at Kakashi incredulously, the silver haired jounin proudly raised up just what it was he'd been playing with- the doll of himself that Iruka had snagged from Naruto- like a dog presenting a found toy to his master. In the wake of Iruka's utter confusion, he said, "This is the impostor. I found him for you and kept him alive for the interrogation."

"Y- you… you… Kakashi, you-"

"Yes?"

"…You're _insane._"

Kakashi beamed.

Iruka stormed forward and ripped the doll out of his hands, yanking the jounin to his feet. "What is _wrong_ with you?!"

He shrugged innocently. "I'm sorry, Ruru- did the impostor hurt you?"

"You… You _crazy_ jounin, that was a _stuffed doll!_ Why was it necessary to- and _how_ did you even find Naruto's doll of _me?!"_

Kakashi shrugged again. "I told you- my dogs followed the scent. And I was jealous. You'd rather cuddle with a stuffed doll impostor of me than me. So, I thought I'd see what the appeal was, but my dogs saw it as a new chew toy."

"They're _ninja_ dogs! Their version of chew toys is human flesh, not stuffed dolls! You told them to tear me apart!"

"If I had done that, then you would already be in pieces."

Iruka looked like he was about to have a stroke. His face was red again, his eyes were wide, his hands were trembling, and he didn't seem to be able to decide whether he wanted to hit Kakashi or faint. When it became clear Iruka's temper wasn't going to allow him to calm down enough to give a sensible response, however, the jounin decided to speak up again.

"Oh, come on, Iruka-_sensei_. Don't look at me like that! I was just a little jealous you preferred a doll of me, and confused as to where on earth you got one. Although, if I had known you wanted a threesome, I could've shown you page 236. That would ha-"

"_No!_" By now, Iruka's face had flamed red and his eyes were bulging out of his head, much to Kakashi's amusement. He sputtered and coughed, stammering for any possible _logical_ response as Kakashi's eye crinkled up in his patented grin. "You… you… pervert!"

"Oh, come now, Iruka-sensei. I read those books for purely vocational reasons."

"No one is gullible enough to believe that. Not even Naruto."

Kakashi shrugged again. "Maa, you should try reading them, too. You can practice visualization training."

"You made that up four years ago as a way to distract Gai from challenging you."

"Doesn't mean it isn't true."

Iruka stared at him, bewildered, before her simply shook his head to clear it and pointed at the absolute mess Kakashi and his pack of dogs had made his living room. "_Fix_ this disaster. And then get rid of Naruto's doll of me… or what remains of it, anyway."

Kakashi gave him a lazy two finger salute. "Yes, Boss. Guys, you heard him."

The seven of the pack Iruka didn't know by name obediently disappeared with tiny puffs of smoke, but Pakkun remained behind long enough to give him an apologetic look and whine sadly before he followed suit. With the eight dogs gone, all that was left behind was a silver haired jounin sprawled out on his floor, covered in different colors of dog fur and his face split by a wide smile, one Iruka could see even with the concealing mask.

"You brat. Get up, now."

Kakashi rosé obediently to his feet and slouched over to him, hands in his pockets. Iruka was watching him with an implacable expression, his arms crossed, his eyes narrowed- the same expression he had often shown to Naruto and, more recently, Konohamaru when they were trying to explain just why the disastrous prank had been funny. It was the one he showed before he started a scolding, often while he grabbed the troublesome student by the ear and dragged him off to explain himself to the unhappy Hokage.

Of course, when Iruka wore it around Kakashi, the results were often much different.

And much more pleasurable.

Iruka remained silent for several moments, as if contemplating how he wanted to proceed. Finally, he cleared his throat and gestured at the mess and signs of chaos around him. "You were early for the first time in your life. Couldn't you have found a more productive use of your time?"

Kakashi grinned. Iruka was in teacher mode. And, when used on eight year old students, it could be frightening- when used on him, it was just plain cute.

Well, Gai and Genma had described it as nauseating, but Kakashi preferred to see the glass as half full.

"But, Iruka," he started, voice edging on a whine. "You were sleeping with an impostor. Someone was pretending to be _me_. I was simply worried for your well being."

"You saw me sleeping with a stuffed version of you and wanted to take full advantage of the situation. Admit it."

"I did not. Actually, the first thing I thought of was page 50. You know, the one where Junko-"

"We're not doing it. Stop trying."

Kakashi pouted and he gave Iruka a pleading look. He reached up to scratch at his gravity-defying hair, as if befuddled, and protested, "But, with the me doll, it'd be perfect. There's no reason to let that go to waste. …Unless, you had other plans for t?"

Iruka blushed, even as he shook his head. "No, Kakashi, I didn't. If you must know, I saw Naruto sleeping with it and I hadn't seen you in a month. And I…" he trailed off for a moment, then forced a smile and started up again with renewed vigor. "Besides, would you have rather I left it with Naruto? Who knows what he was doing with it!"

"Maa, I wasn't concerned. I've had my suspicions ever since Hokage-sama sent me to go fetch him for a mission and I found him fast asleep with a Sasuke doll. Plus I saw him beating up the original version the night before I gave them the bell test."

"You _knew_ he had these things?"

"Well, every ninja has his eccentricities. Except me."

Iruka rolled his eyes. "Please. You know the last time you dropped by the Academy and distracted my class? After you left, one of my students asked who the crazy guy with his nose buried in a book was. Gravity-defying hair, that mask, your indecent reading material-"

"You love my hair."

"Not when there's dog hair in it."

Kakashi blinked, then reached up to pull tufts of fur from his silver hair, letting them fall to the floor and ignoring Iruka's aggravated sigh at the mess growing worse. "There, better?"

"No, not really. Here." Iruka reached up to free the fur that Kakashi had missed, making it a point to throw it into a trash can before turning back to him. "There. _Now_ it's better."

"Well, then thank you. Is there anything else you'd like to clean up? Because, on my mission, I got into a bit of a scuffle and got _so much_ dirt around my-"

Iruka's sharp cough interrupted him, leaving Kakashi watching him with a suggestive leer and a raised eyebrow. "You are such a pervert, Kashi. I don't care if that's one of the reasons I love you; there's such a thing as moderation. Is sex really all you can think about?"

"Who said anything about sex? I was just suggesting that we head into the shower so you could help me get aaall that dirt off."

Iruka was left speechless for one long moment, then decided to give Kakashi a surprise by reaching out to grab his hand and pulling him forward. "Okay. Sounds fun."

Kakashi's eye widened for a split second in surprise before he grinned triumphantly and followed. "I knew I'd rub off on you someday. …Literally."

"Pervert."

"Guilty."

Iruka dropped Kakashi's wrist when the jounin reached down to grab the doll before they left the room. In answer to his questioning look, Kakashi smiled broadly as he pulled on the edge of his mask to reveal his face. "Page fifty. You know, Iruka, if you wanted to spend more time with me, then you could've just asked. You didn't have to find another me to snuggle with."

"…I thought page fifty was-"

"Page fifty is when Dolphin is lonely, so he creates a clone and uses a transformation jutsu to make his clone take on Scarecrow''s appearance."

At the surprised look on Iruka's face, the jounin shrugged. "It's not all about porn, you know. There is some plot. Occasionally."

And just when was Iruka was about to entirely forgive Kakashi for the mess his dogs had made, Kakashi continued.

"And the, on page fifty two, Scarecrow came home and discovered the clone, and then Dolphin was able to enjoy two of Scarecrow all. Night. Long."

When Iruka next moved, it was to pull Kakashi towards the shower, doll in hand.


End file.
